


father, i will always be that same boy that stood by the sea

by aarobron



Category: Emmerdale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-14 04:49:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11775846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aarobron/pseuds/aarobron
Summary: coda to 10.08.17aaron finds robert by jack's grave.Aaron makes a noise in his throat, the kind of noise he makes when he doesn’t know what to say, when he feels uncomfortable. Robert hates that he knows that. “I was checking Jackson’s grave was okay,” He says carefully, mouth forming every syllable.





	father, i will always be that same boy that stood by the sea

**Author's Note:**

> title from [life of a salesman by yellowcard](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgyNUEXNPLM)
> 
> happy reading x

“Rob?” He hears the soft voice, would know it anywhere. Normally, his heart would stutter and then start back up three times as fast, but today it stays at it is: dull, slow, painful. “You alright?”

He tries to straighten his spine, to offer a smile, but his head feels too heavy and his muscles ache. “Do I look it?” He replies, monotone. Nothing like himself. 

Aaron shifts closer. Robert can feel his body heat now, but it just makes him feel cold. “It was your dad’s grave,” He says like he’s just realised, and he grasps Robert’s elbow.

“Please,” The older man chokes, pulling out of Aaron’s grip. He lurches forward, grabs the headstone to steady himself, but all he feels is the grazed rock under his fingertips, the edges of the bits that were shot off. It feels a little like his mind does. “Why are you even here?”

Aaron makes a noise in his throat, the kind of noise he makes when he doesn’t know what to say, when he feels uncomfortable. Robert hates that he knows that. “I was checking Jackson’s grave was okay,” He says carefully, mouth forming every syllable. 

“Well, now you know it’s fine, you can leave,” Robert murmurs, tries to get his words to hurt. He can’t seem to, though – couldn’t with Aaron, despite the things he’d said in the past. 

"You know you can talk to me, Robert," Aaron says softly softly softly like Robert is about to shatter. He feels like he is, to be honest, but he doesn't need that pity. He doesn't need any of it.

He drops to his knees, fingers scrabbling against the grass. "I can't though, can I?" He counters coolly, starts picking up the fragments of stone. "I just need to get this cleared." But there's tears burning his eyes, making his head hurt. He ignores the feeling.

" _Robert_ ," Aaron says forcefully, kneeling beside the older man. He clutches Robert's wrist, wraps his fingers around the bone, makes him pause.

He shudders out a breath and turns his head to look at Aaron for the first time. His ex-husband is staring right back, eyes wide and mouth downturned. “Please don’t,” He gasps, fights back the tears that are blurring his vision. “I can’t handle it.” 

“Fuck,” Aaron whispers, slides his palm up Robert’s arm to his shoulder. “Come here.” He tugs Robert in, wraps his arms around him. He holds tight. None of this is any different to the hugs they shared three months ago, six, twelve. It feels the same; Aaron’s fingers tightening in the back of his blazer, and Robert grips just as tight.

“He’s fucking-“ Robert starts, spits out, even though the words are muffled. “He’s six feet underground and he _still_ makes me feel like I’m not good enough. Will it ever stop?” He feels desperate, sounds it, too, so he buries his face into the curve of Aaron’s neck and tries to clear his mind.

Aaron makes a low noise in his throat. “You are good enough, you know? I mean it,” He whispers forcefully, lips brushing Robert’s temple. They probably look ridiculous, on their knees in a graveyard, but Robert can’t bring himself to care. 

“I wasn’t good enough for you,” He breathes, can’t keep the sadness out of his voice. He feels Aaron’s fingers tighten in his jacket, feels his face press closer. And then he wishes he hadn’t said a word. “What can I do? Just tell me what I can do.” 

“Time,” Aaron murmurs, speaking directly into Robert’s ear. He doesn’t bring up the begging. Robert’s glad. “Just give me time, Robert. That’s all I need.” And then he pulls away from the embrace, runs his thumb along Robert’s jawline. 

Robert dips his head, can’t look Aaron in the eyes. He feels embarrassed now they’re not close, now they’re not practically the same person, but Aaron doesn’t seem to mind. He pushes forward, drops the softest of kisses to Robert’s forehead and stands up.

“Come on,” He says, holds out a hand. Robert takes it and lets himself be pulled up, but Aaron doesn’t drop his hand when he expects it. He grips it tighter. “I’ll walk you back to the village.”

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr at [aarobron](aarobron.tumblr.com) xo


End file.
